


spring.

by RiseUpIntoTheSky



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm rlly pathetic, Lee Minhyuk (Monsta X)-centric, Sad, idk I was just sad and went hey hyuk be my victim and relate to me, just me projecting, this is rlly pathetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiseUpIntoTheSky/pseuds/RiseUpIntoTheSky
Summary: spring. month of flowers and happiness, a month of cherry blossoms and laughs, a month of misery.minhyuk smiled as he looked up at the clouds covering the sun and the rain pouring all over him.maybe there was a reason that he'd been called sunshine his whole life.(in which minhyuk is sad, and no one can do anything about it)
Kudos: 3





	spring.

the cloud of life. existing, a task that is easy for most but not for me.  
I cry, I cry and cry and no one knows. no one knows that my smiles are fake. no one knows that sometimes I think to myself "what if I was dead". they never know.

so when the teasing gets harsh, the playful shoves get rough and the laughs of others could be making fun of you, life gets hard. it gets hard to stay happy. it gets hard to not yell out to the world about your existence.

but it's scary to do those things. scary to tell someone that you're sad. scary to say these things that some people think are only real in fiction.

a polite smile, a laugh, a playful shove back. they all want to help, but none of them can. none of them can fake yourself into happiness.

fights. fights are harder now then they ever were. someone says I'm useless, I hesitate and nod. they look at me like that's weird. but well, if you said it you clearly thought it was true. I don't help anyone out, I do the opposite. I've ruined lives accidentally, I've made people cry. I've made people spend money, I've made people spend their love.

undeserving. a word that lingers in my mind constantly. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything because sometimes I just want and want and want more. I want to be happy, I want to have motivations, I want to be alive. but these thoughts are selfish. I could be happy if I wanted to, couldn't I? my brain is mine, afterall.

hugs. I don't get them. I am 'too old' for them. but then, why do I feel like it would fix everything? why am I supposed to be unloved because of something I have no choice over?

friends. they try. they try to be good friends but in the end, they can't do anything for me. I'm ripping myself apart and they can't reach my hands. it's hard to realise that im being found out. hard to realise that they know I'm off. but am I really being all that weird as to myself, if I've been this 'sunshine' covered by clouds for 3 years?

I sigh. I sigh and sit and stare and cry and I can't move I can't do anything I can't motivate myself to do anything why is nothing fun anymore? why do videogames now bore me, make me sad? why can I not do any work, why am I so useless? 

I'm falling behind, I'm embarrassed. so I hide. I avoid social events and make excuses. sometimes I think that my friends never wanted me there, and how could I? they often tell me they miss me, so why am I so sullen all the time?

I want to not suffocate in my misery. I want to smile, I want to laugh.

but instead all I can seem to do is cry.


End file.
